


Voices

by awesomeskittlesclw83



Series: Supernatural Murphamy AU [4]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Angst and Fluff and Smut, I suck at titles, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, M/M, Telepathy, catatonic state
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-25
Updated: 2015-09-25
Packaged: 2018-04-20 12:21:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4787090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awesomeskittlesclw83/pseuds/awesomeskittlesclw83
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bellamy had always heard voices but no one ever believed that they weren't a figment of his imagination until he met John Murphy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Voices

**Author's Note:**

> I added my own twist to Catatonia and it's set in a mental institution so if that's a trigger for anyone don't read. Also I know very little about Catatonia and if I offend anyone I'm sorry. Also the italicized parts are what someone is thinking.

Since Bellamy first heard the voices screaming in his head, he wanted them to stop. They drove him crazy and they never shut up but they were the only constant in his life. His dad had left long ago and his mom put him in an institution because she couldn't deal with him screaming for the voices to stop. He probably should commend her for dealing with it as long as she did since the voices started when he was 6 and she put him in the institution when he was 17. The worst part was that he heard her pain, her fear and everything she tired to hide by not saying it out loud. He knew how much she feared for Octavia, his little sister and what kind of effect he was having on her and it killed him because he feared the same things. 

He hated everything about the voices and when he was put in the institution they seemed to get louder. No one believed him when he said he wasn't crazy or that the voices in his head were the thoughts of actual people and not just figments of his imagination. It didn't matter that when he was in group he could tell them all exactly what they were thinking and all the things they refused to say nor did it matter that he knew what all the orderlies were thinking and could recite it word for word. They gave him a label, a diagnosis and that's all he was. It didn't matter that he was a real person, with a real name and real feelings because to them he was patient number 224. 

When he turned 21 his mom and Octavia came to celebrate his birthday like they did every year but he knew something was different and when they didn't come visit for his 22nd, he knew they were finally done with him. He didn't blame them because according to the doctors he displayed an unwillingness to remedy his situation or in layman's terms he didn't want to get better which he didn't because there wasn't anything wrong with him, not really. They put him on a cocktail of medicine for schizophrenics but he wouldn't take them. He pretended to but flushed them as soon as he got a chance because he knew they wouldn't quiet the voices in his head.

Octavia started coming to see him again when he was 24 but his mom didn't. Octavia tried to make excuses for her but he knew she was happy now and he didn't want to ruin that. Octavia started coming to see him pretty regularly after that but soon she fell in love and he didn't see her anymore. That was 2 years ago and he hasn't heard a thing from either of them since. There are no letters or phone calls and he heard it all before it happened. On the plus side he knows they're happy but he also knows they rarely if ever think of him and he's okay with that because it's how they should be. 

He had learned over the years to bring certain voices to the forefront so that they were the focus and everything else was just background noise but being at the institution it was hard because there were so many, most of which were constantly screaming. So when a new voice is added, one that's calm and rational, he seeks out the owner. However the person he finds doesn't match their thoughts. It's a guy, early 20's with brown hair that hangs in his eyes which are a striking blue, who's scrawny looking but is obviously quite strong because there are at least 4 orderlies trying to wrestle him into a room. A few of them are bloody and the guy is screaming profanities left and right but his thoughts are the complete opposite. He looks up at Bellamy and the thought that enters his mind at the sight of him makes Bellamy blush a bit but then a nurse finally gets a needle in his arm and he's out. 

Bellamy stays close to his room out of curiosity or maybe something else but whatever the reason, he was different and Bellamy wanted to know why. His sleeping thoughts were a jumble of lines one would use to describe a horror movie but Bellamy knew they were memories resurfacing and he wondered what he did that put him here. As if on cue Charlotte walked up and sat down next to him, anxious to talk about the new guy. 

Charlotte arrived a year or so after he had, she was 8 and had kinda lost it after her parents were killed but Bellamy took her under his wing because she reminded him of Octavia. It didn't turn out so well when she was released a few years later because she killed the son of the man who killed her parents and was brought back. She was 13 and ever since then she would seek him out when she needed to talk or just to occupy time. He knew what she was thinking but waited for her to vocalize it before saying anything himself which didn't take long.

"What do you think of the new guy?"

"I think it's too early to form an opinion of him, especially when he's still drugged up and strapped down to the bed."

"I heard one of the nurses talking about how he put 3 orderlies in the hospital before they even got him in the building."

"Do you know what he did?" Bellamy asked curiously.

"No but he's kinda cute, right?" She replies with a sly smile.

"He's too old for you, Char."

"Hey, I'm 16."

"And he's in his 20's, at least."

"He's 21 actually. I caught a glimpse of his chart."

"Like I said, too old for you."

"Maybe but he's still cute."

"He's got pretty eyes, I'm give him that but we don't anything about him and judging by what you heard about getting him in here as well as what I saw once he was in the building, I would ask that you stay clear. At least until we know more about him."

She gives him an eye roll before nodding and leaving him sitting on the floor. He tries to search the staff's thoughts for any clue he can about the guy's name or anything that could shed some light on him. His thoughts while he slept were too erratic to get a clear answer on anything and there was no telling how long he'd be out from the drugs. About an hour later he's found out very little aside from the damage he'd caused to the staff since that's all any of them seems to be thinking about and he can't help but smile because the ones he hurt deserved it. Suddenly the guy's thoughts begin to return to the calm state from before which tells him the drugs are wearing off and as if on cue, the guy starts yelling and cussing to be let out. 

"Hey, you might wanna tone it down in there or they'll give you another dose. Just be quiet for a while and they'll let you out." Bellamy suggests.

"Why the hell should I listen to you?" He snaps irritated.

"Because I'm trying to help you out but if you wanna stay sedated and strapped down the whole time you're here that's fine by me."

"Why? Why are you helping me? I don't know you, so why do you care?" He says calming a bit.

"It's complicated and you wouldn't understand."

"I'm strapped to a bed, humor me."

"Let's just say the voices in my head tell me that you don't belong here and that means you have a chance of getting out, if you play your cards right that is."

"And let me guess, you're willing to help me do that for a price, right?"

"Not really but if you want to see it that way then be my guest. The name's Bellamy by the way so when they release you, come find me."

"Whatever." He says and as he listens to the retreating footsteps he wonders if Bellamy was the good looking guy with the chocolate eyes that distracted him earlier which causes Bellamy to smile. 

Murphy wasn't one to judge because everyone had demons, some just hid them better than others and if Bellamy's was voices than so be it. Although he thought his voices were wrong about him getting out of here but he'd take his advice and worry about the payment for said advice later. 

They released Murphy about 3 hours later but he didn't look for Bellamy since he had no idea what he looked like and he had yet to see the cute guy from earlier in the rec room so he picked a spot in the corner away from everyone else. He was staring at the floor when he noticed a pair of feet and looked up to see the cute guy from earlier. 

"I figured I'd come find you since you probably had no idea what I looked like."

"So you're Bellamy. Tell me Bellamy what else do your voices say about me?"

"Depends on what you wanna know. You got a name or should I just call you patient 325?"

"Murphy works."

"Well Murphy, what do you wanna know?"

For the next few months Murphy and Bellamy spent all their free time together getting to know each other. Although he still hadn't been able to find out the reason Murphy was there. It was something he kept to himself and Bellamy refused to pry in his mind for the answer. In fact since their first meeting he'd made it a point not to read his thoughts. It just felt wrong somehow, especially when they were still learning about each other. 

Charlotte would play cards with them every now and again or try her best to get Murphy's attention but aside from saying a few words to her, she was pretty much invisible. Bellamy didn't have the heart to tell her that Murphy wasn't into girls or if he was, he wasn't into her. Although with the way he looked at Bellamy, he was certain that he wanted him. It was times like that when he'd quickly sneak a listen and always blushed which would cause Murphy to look away. Bellamy and Charlotte seemed to be the only ones who he didn't have an issue with or even associated with, for that matter. Since he'd been there Murphy had gone through 4 roommates. Each one would do something or say something to piss him off and they were moved because he would kick their ass. 

Soon none of the other patients wanted to be near him, let alone locked in the same room at night and they allowed him to not have one. For a few weeks Murphy was roommate free which he loved until the institution got 2 new patients and he had no choice. Murphy was dreading when the evaluations were done because he knew he'd have a new roommate. However he's pleasantly surprised when he enters his room for the night to find Bellamy laying on the other bed. 

"They figured since we get along they'd try us as roommates."

"As long as you don't get any ideas while I'm sleeping we'll be fine." Murphy joked.

"And as long as you don't decide to act out what you're thinking while I'm sleeping we won't have a problem." Bellamy counters.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Murphy says feigning innocence.

"Sure you don't." Bellamy says as he takes a book from under his pillow and begins reading it.

Murphy watches him read in silence but soon finds himself focusing on his lips and the way they move slightly as he every so often mouths certain words. They were mesmerizing and he couldn't help staring but soon the room was no longer quiet as Bellamy says "You're staring. If you wanna kiss me all you gotta do is ask" without looking away from his book.

"What makes you think that?"

"Because right now you're thinking about straddling me and shoving your tongue so far down my throat you touch my tonsils."

"I'm...I...you're hot dammit and it's kinda hard not to notice." He finally admits.

Bellamy doesn't say anything and continues reading his book which kind of pisses Murphy off. I mean the guy did just invade his privacy by reading his thoughts and holy shit, Bellamy read his thoughts which meant the son of a bitch wasn't really schizophrenic. The realization of that fact made him wonder what other thoughts Bellamy had read and a little uncomfortable with him knowing some of the things he'd thought about him. However the fact that Bellamy still talked to him meant he wasn't really bothered by them or if he was, he hid it well. 

"So, what other things do you know about? I mean what else have you heard me think?"

"Not as much as you'd think. I try to not invade your thoughts like that because we're friends. It just doesn't feel right." Bellamy admitted still not looking away from his book. 

"What am I thinking about now?" Murphy says thinking of something he'd like to do to Bellamy in vivid detail. 

Murphy can see Bellamy's cheeks begin to turn red and as he places the book back under his pillow he clears his throat to speak.

"So, um...that's, umm...I...wow, umm that's very umm, I don't even know how to respond to that." Murphy smiles at Bellamy's stuttering and lays back on his bed to stare at the ceiling. 

Murphy knew that after the orderly on duty for the night came through for the final check before lights out they'd have a good 3 hours before the next check since it was Dax's night and he never did his rounds properly. So he waited until lights out and then a few more minutes after that just to make sure Dax was occupied enough to not notice anything before he said something. 

"What would you say if I asked you if I could kiss you right now?"

"It depends. Are you asking me because you actually want to or is it just as a hypothetical?" Bellamy questions back not realizing that Murphy was no longer laying on his bed because he was looking at the ceiling instead of him.

"I really wanna kiss you. So can I?" Murphy says barely above a whisper in Bellamy's ear, startling him some because of his unexpected closeness.

Bellamy nods knowing that Murphy can see him because of the light in the hall illuminating the room just enough that it wasn't pitch black. Murphy kisses him but it's quick and unsure and as he pulls away Bellamy stops him.

"You call that a kiss? I think you should try again." Bellamy says pulling Murphy on top of him. 

Murphy obliges and as Bellamy runs his tongue over Murphy's bottom lip, he opens his mouth, letting it in. The kiss becomes more heated as Bellamy tangles his fingers in Murphy's hair andMurphy begins to roll his hips, grinding down on Bellamy's crotch. The action causes a muffled moan to escape his lips making Murphy smile as he starts to trail kisses down Bellamy's jaw and neck. When he reaches his collarbone, Murphy lightly grates his teeth across it just before he begins to suck on the spot making Bellamy's back arch slightly and his grip get tighter in Murphy's hair. Once he's satisfied with the mark, he soothes it with his tongue before trailing kisses back up Bellamy's neck and stopping to hover just above his lips.

"How was that?"

"I think you could use some more work."

"Really? Cuz your dick seems fine with what I'm doing." Murphy replies as he puts his hand down Bellamy's pants and palms his dick. 

Bellamy releases a staggered breath when Murphy squeezes it before running his hand up and down it's length a few times. Murphy glances at the clock on the wall across the hall to check the time before leaning down to whisper in Bellamy's ear. "We've got two and a half hours before rounds and I want you inside me."

His words and the thought of Murphy wanting him like that made Bellamy shiver. 

"I want to be inside you." He replies back. 

Murphy smiles, kissing him hard and sloppy before getting off of Bellamy long enough to pull his pants off and climb back on top of him. Bellamy took the opportunity to pull his pants off too, thankful that neither were wearing underwear. Murphy looks at Bellamy for a second as he wonders if this was something he really wanted, if he was something Bellamy really wanted when Bellamy suddenly sits up and crashes their lips together. 

"I want this and you, John."

"Good. Now suck." Murphy says, placing two fingers in Bellamy's mouth.

Bellamy rolls his tongue over Murphy's fingers, sucking on them for a bit before Murphy pulls them out, satisfied with their wetness and begins prepping his entrance. Bellamy watches as Murphy stifles his moans by biting his lip and he's soon stroking his cock as it begins to throb with need. Murphy pulls his fingers out when he feels he's lose enough to take Bellamy without too much pain. 

Bellamy stops stroking himself when he feels Murphy's hand on his chest but takes the pre-cum and lubes his dick as best he can before saying "Whenever you're ready."

Murphy smiles and slowly lowers himself onto Bellamy's cock. Once he's completely inside of him, he allows Murphy to adjust and get comfortable before he starts to move. Both of their movements are slow in the beginning as they each get a feel for the other but soon they get into a steady rhythm as Murphy bounces up and down on his dick. Every few bounces, Bellamy thrusts upwards as Murphy comes down causing the younger one to fist his shirt and bite his bottom lip to stifle the moan.

Soon Bellamy's thrust become more frequent and forceful as he's nearing his climax and Murphy has a hard time keeping quiet. A particularly forceful thrust has Murphy screaming as Bellamy grabs him by the neck and pulls him down for a kiss in an effort to silence it some. Both are close and they need just one final push to send them over the edge. Which for Murphy happens when Bellamy grabs up his dick and runs his thumb lightly over the tip before stroking back down it causing him to releases all over Bellamy's shirt as he moans his name. The moan does Bellamy in as he thrusts deep into Murphy one last time before spilling inside him. Murphy collapses into him panting as Bellamy kisses his forehead and runs his fingers through Murphy's sweaty hair. 

"How much time do we have?" Murphy says into Bellamy's neck. 

"Maybe an hour."

Murphy nods into his neck as he kisses it and says "How much trouble do you think we'll be in if they find out we fucked?"

"I don't know."

They laid in each other's arms a little longer before Murphy gets up, pulls off his shirt and heads to the closet for a new one. He tosses one to Bellamy which he catches with a thanks as he pulls his off as well. They throw the clothes in the laundry shoot but before climbing into their own beds, Bellamy pulls Murphy close and kisses him passionately. He then kisses his forehead and says "We need to do this again soon."

"Definitely."

With one last kiss they crawl in their beds before Dax makes his rounds. Once he's come through Bellamy asks Murphy "I didn't hurt you did I? If I did that wasn't my intention and I'll be more careful next time."

"It wasn't bad. Spit sucks as lube though and it's been a while since I've been with anyone." Murphy states and Bellamy has to agree, spit did suck.

He'd see if they could find something to make the next time easier for them. For the next month they would pleasure each other in some way before bed and it wasn't always sex. Sometimes they'd just lay in each other's arms kissing and so far no one had noticed or if they did, they never said anything. They also made it a point to keep things confined to their room and when they were out with the other patients they never touched unless necessary but that changed after a particularly bad therapy session for Murphy.

During the session Murphy got some news that he wasn't happy about at all and he needed Bellamy. He needed to feel his arms wrapped around him, holding him close because it made him feel safe and he needed that right now. He knew Bellamy would be waiting for him because he was always waiting for him after his sessions and before Bellamy could even ask how it went, Murphy is leading him down the hall to one of the supply closets that Dax leaves unlocked when he's on duty. 

Bellamy is about to ask what they were doing there when Murphy's lips are suddenly on his. It's hard and rough, almost like he wants to devour his face. When he final breaks the kiss he says "Don't talk, just let me fuck you. I need to be inside you, Bell. Please."

Bellamy nods giving him consent before he's pushed up against the wall and his pants pulled down around his ankles. When he feels Murphy's two fingers inside him he tenses up but a few kisses on the neck and Murphy whispering for him to relax, he's fine. It isn't long before Murphy is fucking him hard and angry. He knows something's wrong but doesn't want to read his thoughts and hopes he'll confide in him when he's done. Murphy's thrusts soon become slower and more erratic, letting him know he's close. After a balls deep thrust Murphy grabs Bellamy's dick and begins to stroke it. A few more deep thrusts and Murphy is done but continues stroking Bellamy's dick until he comes which isn't long after him. They slump down against the wall out of breath as Bellamy pulls Murphy into his arms and holds him for a while. 

"We should leave. They'll notice we're missing soon and come look for us." Bellamy says after a few minutes.

"I know, I'm sorry about that. I needed a release and I didn't want to punch someone because I'd probably get strapped to a bed again."

"It's fine. It was a little more rough than I expected but nothing I can't handle."

They manage to sneak out unseen and that night Bellamy decided to ask Murphy about his therapy even if he wasn't gonna get a straight answer. It was Dax's night so he knew they'd have a 3 hour window which he hoped was enough time to get an answer out of Murphy. A while after lights out Bellamy says something breaking the silence surrounding them. 

"What happened in therapy today, Murph?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Bellamy. Please, don't make me talk about it."

"I can always read your mind but I'd prefer you tell me instead. You know I'd never tell anyone. Whatever it is I'll help you deal with it."

"You can't help me with this, Bell. I'm leaving. My dad is coming the day after tomorrow and I'm going home with him. We'll probably never see each other again and I don't know how to deal with that. I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do." Murphy pleads.

"I wish I could Murphy but I don't know what to do either. I don't want to lose you. Maybe you could come visit me." 

"It's not like prison Bellamy, they don't allow conjugal visits. This is fucking bullshit! I finally find someone I can open up to and be myself around who actually likes me and you get ripped away. I don't wanna leave you Bellamy because if I do I'll never come back and I'll never see you again." Murphy panics and it breaks Bellamy's heart because he doesn't know how to fix it.

"It's okay. We'll make the most of the time we have left and I'll make sure you come back to me."

"How?"

"Come here and I'll show you." Bellamy says with a sly smile as Murphy crawls in the bed beside him. 

That night they didn't care who saw them or heard them because since Murphy was leaving there wasn't anything they could do about it. They also didn't care the next day when they held hands walking down the hall or kissed and held each other. Some of the orderlies seemed uncomfortable but the doctors assured them it was fine since Murphy was leaving tomorrow. That night they didn't do anything but hold each other and Murphy finally told him the reason he was there. 

Apparently he had a mini psychotic breakdown brought on by finding his mother's dead body and his best friend's death over the span of two days. They didn't trust him to be alone so they put him in the institution until they could find his father and see if he'd be willing to take him. He never thought that his dad would be willing to take care of him or that they'd find him since he was always gone but obviously he was wrong. 

Come morning Murphy refused to leave Bellamy's bed or Bellamy. The orderlies were ready to wrestle him out of the bed and a nurse was waiting with a sedative ready to go but before anyone could make a move a voice from the doorway clearly and firmly said "Leave him alone and get out!"

They obeyed but only after the doctor had given them the okay. Once they we're gone the owner of the voice closed the door and sat on Murphy's bed. 

"Hi, John. I'm sorry about Mbege and your mother. If I'd of known sooner...well, the point is I'm here now and I'm taking you home." The man said with a sad and sympathetic look in his eyes.

"I don't wanna go home. I wanna stay here with Bellamy. Please, Dad don't make me leave him." Murphy begs him.

"Son you don't belong here."

"Neither does he."

"John, I can't...what do you want me to do? What can I do?" His father says realizing that there wasn't any winning when it came to this.

"Get Bellamy out of here too and bring him home with us."

"You always were so damn stubborn. I'll see what I can do but no promises." He says with a sigh getting up to leave the room but stops at the door and says "Say your goodbyes just in case, John. I'll be back."

Murphy holds on tighter when his father leaves but Bellamy knows they can't hold on to each other forever and that Murphy will have to leave him. 

"They're not gonna let me go, Murph and you know that. We have to..."

"No, we don't and I'm not saying it Bell because we'll see each other again." Murphy say cutting him off.

"Murphy I know you think that but..."

"I don't care what you hear Bellamy, you're coming home with me and we're gonna be happy." He says refusing to listen.

"I'm sure we will." Bellamy didn't have the heart to tell him that the doctors had told his father no, so he just agreed with him because it made him happy and he loved seeing Murphy happy. 

When his father came back, Murphy knew by the look on his face that Bellamy was staying and Bellamy held him closer as he tired to hold the emotions in. It broke Bellamy's heart to see him in so much pain and he wanted nothing more than to make it go away but he couldn't which made it worse. Murphy's father waited on his bed, giving Murphy time to say his final goodbyes. 

"You need to go John. The longer you drag this out the worse it's gonna get. Trust me, I know."

"I'm not giving up. I'll find a way to get you out of here, I swear Bellamy."

"I know you will."

They kiss and even though he doesn't say it, the smile and nod from Bellamy lets him know that he heard it even if he doesn't say it either. As Murphy leaves with his father he looks back at the institution, finding Bellamy watching him out the window and says quietly "I love you, Bellamy Blake." 

Bellamy watches Murphy leave out the window and whispers "I love you, John Murphy."

 -------------------------

"Has his condition improved any Abby?"

"I'm afraid not, Aurora. I wish I had better news but the truth is with a catatonic state it's really up to him. He has to want to come out of it and until he does there's essentially nothing we can do?"

"Are you sure there's no other options? Nothing that we can do to maybe help pull him out of it?" Aurora questions, not wanting to give up on her son.

"No there's not. I'm sorry." Abby says with a sad smile.

"Clarke said that he said something. Is that true? Did he say something?" Octavia asks curiously.

"The only thing he said was the name Murphy. Do either of you know a Murphy?"

"No but would finding this Murphy help him?" Aurora asks hopefully.

"It's possible but catatonic states are tricky things to deal with."

"Thank you, Abby. For everything you've done for him."

"There's no need to thank me but you're welcome. I just wish there was more that I could do."

Octavia and Aurora each kiss Bellamy's forehead before leaving him sitting on the bed, staring at the wall in front of him. Bellamy had been this way for over 2 months now and they couldn't figure out why. At least Aurora couldn't but Octavia could because she knew where to find Murphy and she was getting her brother back whether Murphy wanted to help her or not. When she finds him in a bar that night, she is not at all gentle or polite about the way she pulls him away from his friends and out of the bar.

"What the fuck, Octavia?" He shouts jerking his arm out of her grasp.

"What the hell did you do to my brother?" She snaps back angrily.

"What? Octavia, I haven't seen Bellamy in over 3 months when he left me." Murphy says confused.

"What do you mean he left you? I thought you left him. He said that you were leaving and he'd never see you again. I just assumed..." Octavia begins confused as well but is cut off but Murphy.

"Yeah that's the problem, everyone always assumes. I did leave but it was for my job and I told him I'd be back in a few weeks. He didn't want to hear it because he was afraid that I'd be offered a job and stay there but I wasn't gonna leave him. However he broke up with me before I left because of it and when I got back Miller and Reyes told me to back off. To leave him alone because he's moved on and didn't need or want me anymore, so I backed off."

"Did you even ask him about it or just take Miller and Raven at their word?" She asks a bit irritated.

"Of course I didn't believe them but I saw him with Echo. I saw her coming out of his place early one morning and he was all smiles. He was happy so that's how I left him."

"Well he's not happy now. He's been at Ark Asylum in a catatonic state for the past 2 months."

"What? W-what are...is there anything that can bring him out of it?" Murphy stammers both shocked and confused.

"I was hoping you could. Your name is the only thing he's said and I think that if he heard your voice then maybe..."

"You'll get your bother back. If you think it'll help, I'll try." Murphy assures her.

"Great. I'll meet you at your place say 9 am." Octavia responds a little more hopeful than she's been in a while.

"Yeah, sounds good"

Octavia is pounding on Murphy's door at 8:45. He opens the door wet, angry and wrapped in a towel.

"Seriously?" She says seeing him not even close to being ready yet.

"Don't seriously me. I still have 15 damn minutes. Impatient much?" He snaps back at her.

"Sorry. Well, not really but I just want Bellamy back and for him to be okay."

"I know that but at least give me a chance to get ready on time before you bang on my door. I do have neighbors, you know?" Came his muffled reply from the bathroom. 

"Just hurry up, well ya?"

On the way to Ark Asylum Octavia made sure she called Dr. Griffin so she could meet them in the lobby. Murphy was nervous and a bit anxious because he hated hospitals, especially these kind of hospitals. He remembered visiting his mom here a few times before his dad died and then being in here himself after his mother passed but that was all behind him now. He was better now. He just hoped after seeing Bellamy he stayed that way. Dr. Griffin was waiting for them when they walked in and Murphy instantly remembered her. Unfortunately she remembered him too. 

"John, it's been a long time. Glad to see you're finally doing well. You are doing well, aren't you?" Abby says cheerfully.

"Yes Abby, I'm doing fine."

"You know it's interesting that I never put together that the Murphy he was talking about was you. Guess I hadn't seen you in so long I didn't make the connection."

"Probably not. After all I'm not the only Murphy around." 

Octavia listens to the conversation curiously for a bit before she clears her throat to get there attention. 

"Oh, right. Sorry Octavia, it's just that last time I saw John was when..." Murphy is secretly praying that she doesn't mention him being there because Bellamy was the only one who knew and he didn't want or need anyone else knowing. "when his mother was in here and his father used to bring him to see her." Abby finishes with a smile knowing that how Murphy was about his family life.

Murphy was so glad she hadn't said anything about him and the fact that Octavia seemed to be okay with that answer. 

"I think I remember Bellamy saying something about it once. Anyways, can we see my brother?"

Abby nods and leads them to Bellamy's room but stops at the door instead of entering. 

"I'm not sure if this is going to work so please don't get your hopes up."

"Is there anything specific I should do or try to bring him out of it?" Murphy asks.

"Just talk to him about the things you've done together and remind him of you somehow. I'll be back in an hour to check on your progress."

She opens the door and lets them enter the room before she leaves, closing the door behind her. Murphy knew he was gonna hate this but he didn't realize how heart breaking it would be to see the man he loved, the man he still loved blankly staring at the wall in front of him. He looked weaker and skinnier somehow and Murphy needed to not be there.

"I can't do this Octavia. I'm sorry but I can't. I thought I could but seeing him like this, I can't. I just can't." Murphy says turning to leave but Octavia stops him. 

"Murphy please? You're my only, you're his only hope at being himself again, so please don't take that away by leaving." She pleads.

"What if I make him worse? Or what if when he comes back he still doesn't want me again? What then, Octavia? Because I don't know about you but I couldn't handle that."

"Murphy, please just try. That's all I'm asking for and if it doesn't work I'll find another way but I'm getting my brother back. Now, will you please help me do that?" Octavia begs. 

"Fine, I'll try." Murphy says with a sigh knowing that it was pointless to argue with her about this because she'd win, she always did. 

For the next hour Murphy tried everything he could to get any kind of response from Bellamy but nothing worked. He was still in the same position and shape he'd been in when they arrived. When Abby came back, she knew immediately that they'd had no luck. She assured them it was okay and convinced them to take a lunch break before coming back and giving it one final try. Before leaving the room Murphy places a quick kiss on Bellamy's lips and laid his forehead against his, saying "I love you, Bellamy Blake. Please come back to me."

 --------------------

It had been almost 4 months since Murphy's release and Bellamy missed him more and more everyday. He had come to see him twice but they couldn't do any more than hold hands and Murphy continued to assure him he was getting him out. However he doubted it'd ever happen, even if Murphy's thoughts displayed a genuine optimism that it would. Then when Murphy stopped writing or visiting, he knew that it was over and he needed to move on again, no matter how much it hurt. 

So when 2 months later, Murphy is walking into him room saying he's coming home with him, he's surprised and overjoyed at the same time. He couldn't believe Murphy had actually done it. This boy, man that he'd opened himself up to, that he loved actually came back for him and Bellamy was gonna make sure they were never separated again. Once everything was taken care of and his release finalized, Murphy lead him out of the building. However before he walked through the door that led to the outside, he stopped. It had been so long since he'd been out of the institution and around regular people that he wasn't sure if he could do it.

"It's okay. You'll be okay because I'm gonna make sure of it. Now let's go home." Murphy says with a smile, squeezing Bellamy's hand letting him know he wasn't alone. 

Bellamy smiles back at him and walks out into the sun. The sunlight hits his face and somehow he knows everything is gonna be okay. 

 ----------------------

"It may take time for what you're saying to him to sink in. Catatonic states are strange things because the person can still hear everything that's happening around them but it's almost like a dream and you're essentially waking them up from it." Abby tells them trying not to discourage them from continuing to try.

"How long before we'll know if it worked or not?" Octavia questions.

"If after trying again there's still no response, it may take months. The truth is I don't really know. I wish I did but I don't. I'm sorry." Abby admits.

Bellamy is still sitting on his bed staring at the wall when his hand reaches up and his fingers lightly skim over his lips where Murphy had kissed him. It had to be a dream because there was no way Murphy was here. Come to think of it he wasn't exactly sure where he was. He blinked his eyes a few times and looked around trying to get his bearings when it all came back to him. He was at Ark Asylum because he'd gone catatonic but Murphy was here and had brought him out of it. 

Just as he was about to get up he heard voices coming towards his room and returned to the position he'd been in before. The door opens and in walks Murphy and Octavia. It really was Murphy. He hadn't dreamt it which meant that Murphy had kissed him and still loved him. He wanted to wrap his arms around Murphy but he didn't wanna freak him out so he remained still and quiet. Bellamy listened to Murphy talk about things they'd done together all the while knowing what he really wanted to say he couldn't because of Octavia. 

Dr. Griffin came back an hour later so she could see if there was any changes and escort them out of the building. However, before Bellamy's door closed completely Murphy quickly squeezed through it because there was something he wanted him to have and it was kinda like his hail Mary, his last chance. He placed the item in Bellamy's hand, folded his hand around it and kissed his lips one last time but before he pulled away he swore he felt a tongue lick his top lip and he looked at Bellamy curiously.

"Bellamy?" He said quietly, sitting cross legged in front of him on the bed so that their legs were touching and then he places his forehead on Bellamy's. 

"What is he doing?" Octavia questions trying to open the door but Abby won't let her. 

"Let's see how this pans out. Maybe giving them some time alone will help." Abby suggests.

Once their foreheads touch, Murphy closes his eyes and starts talking to Bellamy but instead of saying the words out loud, he thinks them. 

_"I know you can hear me because you've always heard me. Even when I tried so hard not to let you, you always knew which is what makes this so damn frustrating. You knew the only way I'd ever leave you was if you made me and you did. Why did you do that? I don't understand why you left me only to wind up here a few months later."_

Bellamy wanted so badly to tell him that knew he was scared and acting childish but no matter how many times Murphy said he'd never leave him there was always that part of him that feared he'd get tired of the nights when he woke up screaming because the voices had gotten too loud or when he said things to Murphy that Murphy had thought about but never voiced. He was broken and damaged in so many ways whereas Murphy wasn't and he deserved better than him. He's pulled out of his own thoughts when he hears Murphy think about a date. A specific date, one that was always kind of special to Bellamy and he's curious as to why Murphy was thinking about it, so he listened. 

_"I was maybe 12 years old and I had come here with my dad to visit my Mom but she was having an episode so they sent me out into the rec area until she was done. I sat in the corner with my head down until this pair of bare feet come into my line of sight and a boy a few years older than me says "why are you so sad? Your mom will get better and I'm sure she loves you very much. Sometimes people here have a tendency to forget who they are and what's important but they eventually find it." And when I wouldn't look up at you, you laid on the floor in front of me so that I was looking at your face instead of the floor. You introduced yourself as Blake and when I wouldn't tell you my name you didn't seem bothered by it. We talked and played games until my dad was ready to leave but before I left you whispered in my ear that you'd never forget me and you placed this stone in my hand. You said it was the one you used to help calm the voices in your head and that maybe it would help calm mine as well. Then you said "everybody has demons John some are just more noticeable than others. Slay yours" before you kissed me on the forehead and hopped away. I never forgot any of that because you helped me so much more than you'll ever know and all I've ever wanted was to return the favor. I never expected to fall in love with you but I did and if I have to keep coming back here everyday to remind you of that fact I will because..."_

Suddenly Bellamy is kissing him and all thought just stops because Bellamy was kissing him which meant he was okay which meant that he was back. It doesn't take long for Murphy to kiss him back and both are so relieved to feel the other's lips against theirs that they both think I've missed this at the same time which caused Bellamy to smile as the kiss becomes more passionate. 

Suddenly Octavia barges into the room screaming "You're back" and they break apart quickly as Octavia hugs her brother.

"Yeah. Now could you give us a sec cause you kinda..."

"You're cock blocking, O." Murphy finishes for him.

"Sorry. I'll give you a minute." She says with a smile and lightly smacks Murphy in the back of the head. 

Once she was gone and the door closed Bellamy opened his hand, looking at the stone Murphy had placed in it and says "I can't believe you still have this after all this time or that you remember that day." 

"Of course I do. It was the day I met you and I'll never forget it."

"I'll never forget that day either because it was the day I met you."

"What happened to you? I mean how did you wind up here?"

"The voices, people's thoughts they became too much and I just wanted them to stop. I needed them to stop because everything I tried wasn't working. You always knew how to calm them, make them quiet and without you around they seemed to get louder. I couldn't think anymore so I made them stop the only way I knew how."

"Why didn't you call me? I would've helped you, you know that."

"I know. I just didn't want to ruin you more than I already had. You deserve better than me."

"Bellamy, you could never ruin me. I love you and there's no one else I'd rather be with."

"I know. I'm just scared that you'll get tired of dealing with me and you'll leave me. I need you Murphy and I..."

"You dealt with me, so why wouldn't I deal with you. Besides you forget I've been here too and I like dealing with you because we make each other better."

"You promise you won't leave me."

"You know I never promise anything but as long as you need me I'll be by your side. You're gonna get sick of me."

"Good because I'll always need you and I'll never get sick of you." Bellamy says grabbing Murphy by the back of the neck and pulling him in for a kiss. 

They break apart when the door opens again. Both are annoyed by the interruption but the look on Aurora's face at seeing her son okay again makes Murphy get up and say "I'll give you all some family time. I'll be right outside."

"John..." Bellamy begins to say trying to stop him but is cut off by Aurora.

"John? He's the one you always talked about, isn't he? You're John Murphy?"

"Yes ma'am. That would be me."

"Well John, thank you. Thank you for bringing my son back to me. I owe you so much."

"You owe me nothing, Mrs. Blake. I love your son very much and I brought him back for me as much as I did you." Murphy explains as he heads for the door but stops when she places a hand on his arm. 

"Call me Aurora and you're a part of this family too which means you're staying and I'm not taking no for an answer."

"I'd listen to her Murph. You know how stubborn us Blakes can be." Octavia reminds him with a smile. 

Murphy doesn't argue and after Abby got the paperwork all set up and Bellamy was examined, they were allowed to finally take him home. As they all made their way into the Blake house, Murphy hung back because he didn't feel right just walking in like he belonged.

"Murphy, get your ass in this damn house." Octavia says when she notices him hanging back. 

He slowly makes his way inside but still keeps his distance as they talk about things. Bellamy knows Murphy's uncomfortable and just wants to go home because he can hear him thinking it.

"Mom can we do all this celebrating stuff tomorrow? I just want to spend some time at home and Abby said not to do too much for a while since I did just come out of a catatonic coma."

"He has a point mom. Maybe for the next few days we leave him and Murphy alone and this weekend we'll celebrate his return. Okay?"

"Okay, I get it. You wanna be with Murphy. I can take a hint. Octavia and I will leave so you two can have the house to yourselves. We'll be out of your way in a couple of hours."

"Thanks mom. I love you."

"I love you too, dear and be safe."

Bellamy cringes at that last part but nods as he leads Murphy downstairs to his room. The downstairs of the Blake house was like a mini apartment. It had a couch, a bed, a bathroom, a T.V. and a fridge. Bellamy closes the door and pulls Murphy to the couch with him. They sit holding each other for a while before Murphy asks "What did you see and hear when you were catatonic?"

"I heard everything but it was like distant and sometimes it was jumbled and confusing. I saw us, together at the Asylum until you left me promising to come back and get me out."

"Did I? Did I get you out?"

"In both cases you did. You saved me in my mind and you saved me in real life."

"Well that sounds boring. Dream me doesn't seem as interesting as real me."

"He was but I prefer the real you over the dream you any day. Although dream you was pretty good at some things."

"Like what? Surely whatever it is the real me is a thousand times better at it."

"C'mon, I'll show you and we'll see if you are or not."

"Is that a challenge, Bell? Because if it is you know how I feel about challenges."

"Maybe. You up for it?"

"I'm always up for."

"Then prove it."

"I'm gonna make you regret saying that Bellamy."

"I hope you do. Now quit talking and do it." Bellamy says with a sly smile as Murphy pushes him down on the bed.

**Author's Note:**

> As always please leave kudos, comments or both and all feedback is welcome.


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